The Guilt / Shame Cycle

Posted by Madame Rax on Tuesday, April 24, 2018 Under: D/s Dynamics
Due to the nature of My work, I have taken many submissives who experience a very profound cycle.

Lurking and Learning - they try to get to know Me on a desperate level. Furiously Googling every corner of the web for My name and permutations of My contact information to try to figure out if I'm "safe" and "sane." Looking for evidence that I'm some sort of whatever their worst case scenario is. Cannot find it, because I'm not a thief and I'm far too much of an anarchist to cooperate with authorities. 

Communication and Expression -
they reach out to Me with a coy, tentative email. Trying to figure out if I'm not a cop, not a scam artist, not a man. During this part of the cycle, I am very reassuring. I am there to help, not harm. And if your help involves injury, I'm glad to dispense it. They're happy to offer the tribute, and tell Me how much value My time has. I already recognize this beginning. Eventually they leak that they're married, partnered, etc. But no one's spouse is My concern, nor am I looking to ruin anyone. I use My BDSM powers for good even if it feels bad. 

Engaging and Experiencing - this is the part where the slave starts to indulge the addiction portion of the cycle. I start to infiltrate their life, which makes them gloriously satisfied. They're excited, possibly horny -- though that isn't My problem --can't get enough. They temper themselves and reason that they shouldn't be doing this anyway, but since they've started already... and I'm not judging them... why not? For a short period of time, the slave who is stuck in this cycle feels great. About themselves, about their progress, about all choices. They're actualizing. It's beautiful. But then...

Connecting and Avoidance - usually during a weekend (or holiday) there's some sort of connection with their significant other. They suddenly feel intense guilt, which leads them to validate their own shame. When this happens, I notice. They are noticeably absent compared to the amount of time they had spent texting Me, before - with every free second they had. After a while, I prod them a bit to see where they're at in the process. They suddenly dump their confession of guilt and proclaim that they have to act in the best interest of {whomever}. The fact that the associated feeling is shame indicates that they are not ready to break free from their compulsion. After all, if it's not processed, they'll keep doing it. The urge will haunt. I am absolutely certain that some of you, reading this, are plagued by this exact impulse. 

Realization and Panic - Despite the fix being temporarily acquired, there is still unaddressed underlying addiction. If that seems harsh or ultra-blunt to say, this is because you've been deluding yourself into thinking you can change the cycle through sheer willpower. And of course, you've been using mitigating language to apply to your behavior. "Well it's only" - "but if I just..." "well NEXT time..." - plainly put, no. There is no breaking this grip, using your method. There is no relief without going through it. And since I've successfully facilitated this "graduation" - I am keenly aware of the cycle and how to manipulate it so ultimately you are fully in control of your behaviors, without the choking panic of this guilt / shame cycle.

But since you don't go through it, instead choosing to run away...

Honeymoon and Relapse -
Since vowing change, the submissive will make all sorts of promises to mitigate their shame. They'll do better, be better. Clean house, impress their wife, take the family for a nice meal. In their mind, this is repenting without the horror of honesty. Things are going swimmingly. Except for that underlying guilt and shame. Which starts to creep in... and it can only be alleviated one way: through indulgence of the very thing that makes you feel happy and satisfied. So the process begins all over again. 

I get asked all kinds of questions about My career. Am I exploiting the addicted? Do I ever feel bad for their wives? How can I sleep at night knowing that My clients are lying in such a way, about Me?

There's an easy answer and a complex answer: 

Easy: A siren does not lament her effect. 

Complex: If the slave is actually interested in alleviating this problem, it's a painstaking (but very rewarding) process to get "rid" of it. Those who have are forever indebted to Me for the way I've shaped their lives and helped them release themselves from their internal bondage. And I'm glad to do whatever the situation calls for.

In : D/s Dynamics 


Tags: findom  financial domination  dynamics  shame  guilt 


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