Posted by Madame Rax on Friday, February 26, 2016 Under: D/s Dynamics
There are few things more enraging for a Domme than avoidance. Many manifestations of this frustrating behavior are apparent in the Pro-Domme world:
  • refusing to leave a deposit or other required component of sessioning
  • flaking out, no-call/no-show, complete disregard for communication
  • not Tributing a proper, required, or pre-determined amount 
  • not returning phone calls or emails for more information
  • ignoring a Domme's repeated and consistent wishes
  • refusing to give personal information when required
  • not doing your best on an assignment or session
After you've been in the industry for as long as I have, you come to realize that many of the things Dommes get most block-heavy about are rooted in avoidance.

Some of the reason for this is because BDSM is already considered an alternative lifestyle choice, with lots of isolation between characters - which leaves both Dommes and submissives free to behave badly because their choices are not being tempered or moderated by the judging eyes of others. Essentially, there is no "answering to" a group, as there would be in a traditional work setting, therapist's office, etc. This will occasionally bring out the worst in an undisciplined person.

Some of it is because of the cost associated, or the desire to hide this part of your needs and wants. It's expensive, both as a submissive and a Domme, to engage in BDSM. Sure there are cost-cutting measures associated with practicing it, but for a Pro-Domme to invest as much time and energy as She does into this business -- only to have to deal with flakes and idiots -- is obviously ridiculous. And for a submissive not to do the intellectual heavy-lifting involved in finding a serious Professional (rather than a scam artist) -- and shelling out hundreds of dollars -- may also be a traumatic event (albeit mostly deserved). 

If you've engaged in this behavior and didn't realize the full consequences or what to do about it, read further:
  • If you refuse to leave a deposit, a Domme may lose a spot if She is renting dungeon space. Or, another client who is more deserving may lose their spot. 
  • If you flake out, or no-call/no-show, you've wasted hours of the work that goes into planning and executing a session. Even if you are seeing a Domme at a House, She must make Herself up and plan the required materials and session plans - which is very time-consuming. 
  • If you aren't going to bother to send a pre-determined amount, try to endlessly negotiate, outright lie about what you're going to contribute, or if you just mentally add all past Tribute and think "well that's enough" you are being irresponsible and stupid. Time is a premium for a Domme, and wasted time is not only useless, but actually detrimental to Her.
  • If you are lax about emailing or other correspondence, do remedy that. There is always time in your bathroom break with your smart phone to thumb out a few words to send Her a message or a text. There is no excuse. If you have time to Facebook, you have time to answer.
  • If a Domme gives out a consequence, restricts certain behaviors, or orders an assignment to be done, there is a reason for it. Rarely are things inconsequential in a Female Dominant's purview. Stop trying to negotiate endlessly, beg, or plead your case if it's unwarranted. No Domme enjoys that outside the context of a session. If I'm not paid for it, I'm not listening to whining.
  • Being a Dominatrix is mildly risky at best and dangerous at worst. Depending on the submissive involved or the lifestyle of the Domme, unintended consequences of engaging in BDSM can include: arrest, harassment, rape, non-penetrative physical assault, being the object of a meltdown or other psychotic break, being "outed" to a workplace, losing divorce or custody cases, having professional licenses revoked, and others. So if a Domme wants to know your information, it is purely for her safety -- she is not looking to steal your identity or acquire blackmail fodder (unless it's an established fantasy). So give it up, and turn over your stats.
  • Many hours of planning, research, education, and organization go into a scene or a play time. If a Domme says "write __ lines" or "we're going to be waterboarding you today" and you try to feign disgust or disinterest (rather than reaching a hard limit, which is fine), it is not only annoying but also petulant. Another elaborate waste of time.
With this information, I do hope that a submissive who has exhibited these unfortunate and ugly behaviors will realize the problematic nature of each situation I've addressed, and if necessary, cut the shit! Apologizing profusely with extra Tribute is almost universally appreciated, as well. 

In : D/s Dynamics 

Tags: blackmail  domme  sessioning   

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