As far as men go, it is not what they are that interests me, but what they can become. —Jean-Paul Sartre

According to the Japanese: The 本音 (honne), or private self, is the sum of the "true" thoughts / wishes of a person. The 建前 (tatemae), or public face, is the version shown to the public. Muslims call these ظاهر (baten) and باطن (zaher), respectively. In America, we refer to these as our "authentic self" and our "Facebook facade." In any case, the idea that our private lives vs. public personae are divided is nearly universal. It can be posited that this divide serves several functions: privacy, dignity, preservation, self-respect, and safety. 

Whatever the advantage of having a private self is, the existence of this dichotomy complicates human social structure. It can cause a major discrepancy between how a person wants to live and what they're actually doing with their lives. Freud (as discredited as he's been on various matters) referred to the harmony and disharmony of these as egosyntonic and egodystonic, respectively. In an egosyntonic state, goals and actions are consistent with the subject's ideal self. In an egodystonic state, there is a dissonant relationship between the actions, compulsions, etc - and the ideal self. Simply put, a person is either living according to their innermost values, or they aren't. And if they aren't, there are a host of problems they can expect to incur: regret, fear of missing out, anxiety, depression, and unspecified inner turmoil of many types. Jean-Paul Sarte galvanizes the explanation of why this happens with his concept of "mauvaise foi" - the ugly, very human habit of deceiving themselves into thinking that they do not have the freedom to make choices, simply in fear of potential consequences.

But since a private life is often painfully private (and subject to scrutiny once outed), it can be difficult to communicate the entirety of The Self to another person. Such information asymmetry can be problematic for both parties in a D/s dynamic, especially. However, as a Dominant, one can be expected to push for growth, challenge, and positive change.

So, how can we remove this obstacle in order to act as a catalyst in a submissive's life?

Answer: TEAR DOWN THE WALLS.

Sometimes the best way to get inside someone's head is to invade their whole life. So, with enthusiastic permission and a potentially alarming amount of trust, bleed into it. Fill every single orifice until you're so far into it that it feels like your own. Infiltrate and gather all of the intelligence. This is an intense bonding opportunity, and I highly recommend it. Get inside of their skin. Breathe with their lungs. Exist in their being.

Ways to get in, using their Internet of Things - detail view:

PHONE - using tracker software you can see their locations, listen to phone calls, monitor internet use, look through front and rear cameras, view text messages, emails, screenshots, calendar, and quite a few other things. 

SYSTEMS - Get into their home alarms, Amazon devices / other Smart Home systems, CCTVs, digital monitoring software, Ring-type doorbell cams, motion sensors, computer webcams.

SOCIAL / ART - Observe their friends, social media, listen to their stories, see their photos, look at their archives, learn their circles, look at their preferences for art, music, film, and literature.

FINANCIAL - Bank accounts, cryptocurrency, bookkeeping software (Quicken, Mint, etc), finance trackers, investment portfolios, asset statements, mortgage / bill information, loan accounts, CDs, and other financial holdings have internet presence and logins.

ACTIVITIES - Tasks, events, parties, scheduled classes, and other social situations can be tracked and verified a number of ways. Even calling a restaurant, teacher, or hotel can do the trick. Fitbit, MyFitnessPal, MapMyRun, and Fitness trackers can be used for exercise, food intake, water consumption, and physical activity.  

SEXUAL - Chastity (with or without cage), orgasm control, regulating partners.

PRIVATE / PERSONAL - Have them journal, read their diary, check their Amazon purchases, read their mail, go through their receipts, ask lots of questions (especially those surrounding painful subjects). Peruse their will. Read their list of beneficiaries, look at their 101 in 1,001. Find the bucket list. Use TeamViewer as much as you're able.

Once you get a feel for how the submissive has their routine, any weak spot or unrealized dream can be fortified and used to set a goal. I will save most of this for part two of this blog post, but I'll outline some brief examples -  have you noticed that they lack intimacy? Send them on a surprise trip to a Professional Cuddler (I have the name of an amazing one in New York City, while we're on the subject). Do they have difficulty with etiquette? Send them to a class for refinement. Are they regrettably uncharitable? Set them up to volunteer at a soup kitchen. Do they procrastinate going to sleep at a predetermined time? Shut off their lights at 10pm each night. Even blackmail is enhanced using these surveillance tactics, if it's engaged enthusiastically.

BDSM is nothing if not mutually enjoyable and beneficial to everyone involved. Help them build the most important parts of their life. Create their dreams with them. Make sure they live every moment to its full potential.

Don't let them die wondering.