All Women Secretly Love Being Dominated

December 10, 2016
If you have ever read the comments on an article about consent or courting women, you will likely see the phrase "deep down, all women love to be dominated." I am personally met with inquiries fairly regularly: "Madame, You are a powerful, sexy woman, I bet You just LOVE let your hair down and take the business end of a whip, or get a firm backhand from an Alpha Male, right?" After all, it would make sense to be a Person-of-Power activity - male CEOs have the stereotype that they all love to get spanked on their sparse days off... why would a boss bitch, especially a Domme, be any different?

For Me, here is why I am different:

Since childhood, when it comes to works of fiction, I always identified much more with the villain of a story than the hero. I did not want to hang out with Ariel, I wanted to be Ursula the sea witch. Sure, the hopelessly romantic rebel teen girl seemed ostensibly charming, but I would throw her into oncoming traffic to get closer to Ursula. I preferred the evil fairies and the ice queens, even the male villains; the cunning and deviant Scar. Don’t even get Me started on Jafar, that witty, sensual, intelligent, and well-spoken creature. I would have chewed Aladdin up and spit him out. The heroes were hapless dimwits who may have been slightly clever but were so much more one-dimensional. They took on the load of heroism at the cost of the complex motive. Going against the grain, rather than always rooting for the victor is more My speed, anyway. I never liked wholesome, except to devour it - in that way, I am a Big Bad Wolf. Even in stories with more than one perceptible villain-type, I tend to find one I adore; I found the Wizard of Oz to be a charlatan, but the true hero was the Wicked Witch of the West (which was confirmed, to My extreme joy, by the play Wicked - which I saw with one of my closest friends). 

I am attracted to vulnerability. And seeing how much a person is willing to do, in order to please Me. How far down into your spirit can I peer My sharp eyes? And how deeply can I be let in, so that I can swim around your psyche? I appreciate possession; the passion of intense fixation. The stuff that is deemed oh-so-unhealthy by the psychiatrists of yesteryear. Forge your own individual identity, they say - and you should - so that I can absorb its power. 

I get along with intellectual male Dominants only when they are calm, cool, and do not try to assert their personalities over Me. It is not that I devalue the role of the submissive - it's that I am in love with the dynamic it creates between U/us. Dominant Madame Rax + Dominant Overeager Jerkoff with Shit to Prove = annoyance. I become rather irritated and wish to disregard the presence of the other so-called Dominant. But when I step into a position of guidance and leadership, I hit transient hypofrontality. A beautiful state of flow that washes over Me like a calm and intense power. I am focused, on point, and hit all of the marks. And it is SO rewarding when I know the other person involved is doing this with all of their agency. 

Have I tried submission? Yes. I have tried it the way a naturally masculine man slips into a dress with hairy legs, broad shoulders, and clunks like a caveman in heels. I have tried it, like learning a foreign language I do not care to pronounce or listen to. I am capable of it, but it is not preferable to Me. When I become incredibly aroused, I also transform into a more aggressive, hands-on, commanding, bitey creature. In summary, I prefer to be on top (psychologically) at all times.  
 

50 Shades of Trump: A Dominatrix's View.

October 12, 2016


Surprise, surprise. Back to talking about 50 Shades again. Because if there's anything more beloved by the masses than taking BDSM out of context, it's using it to excuse abuse and violation. 

Starting off: there is an extreme difference between Dominance and abuse. That difference is consent. Consent is a ubiquitous necessity, even for vanilla people! A lack of it is what elevates the average sexual experience from intercourse to sexual assault. It's what changes boxing to attempted murder. That's what shifts the post from "getting a few drinks and having a one night stand" to date rape. Deficiency of consent is even what changes a silent protest into a violation of the first amendment. It transforms fun consensual bondage into an actual prison term. This EXACT same concept is applicable to a million different scenarios, some of which involve a sexual component, but many that do not.

Dominance is included in such aforementioned scenarios. BDSM involves a voluntary exchange of some power (and potentially nearly ALL power, in the case of TPE slave ownership) from an initiator to a secondary party. The key observation involves the fact that there has to be an initiating party. A seeker, a person in search of, someone who is yearning. It cannot just be SPRUNG upon someone, on the off chance that they're "okay" with the Dominant introducing a piss-poor behavior or inherently violent act, such as assault. An act, which, if intentionally sought out, would be perfectly fine to negotiate and execute, as long as both parties were enthusiastically ready and willing to participate. Without initiation, though... it's a problem. Further, what many vanilla observers do not realize is that this power exchange involves a huge amount of trust - dedication, agreement, negotiation, facilitated execution, and quite often mutual love, admiration, or at least respect. 

So let's talk about Trump, shall we? Not that I'm particularly enthusiastic about discussing inhuman scumbags, but it's necessary to myth-bust this idea that all men, especially those of a Dominant ilk, will or should (given half a chance) behave or speak about women in this fashion. Without further ado, here are some of the things the Donald has said about women:

"Just kiss. I don't even wait. And when you're a star they let you do it. You can do anything. Whatever you want. Grab 'em by the pussy. You can do anything."

"Well, I'll tell you the funniest is that before a show, I'll go backstage and everyone's getting dressed, and everything else, and you know, no men are anywhere, and I'm allowed to go in because I'm the owner of the pageant and therefore I'm 'inspecting' it..."

"You know, I'm inspecting because I want to make sure that everything is good. You know, the dresses. 'Is everyone okay?' You know, they're standing there with no clothes. 'Is everybody okay?' And you see these incredible looking women, and so, I sort of get away with things like that."

Back to what I said about consent. Even in a case where the perceptible arrangement is a D/s (Dominant/submissive) one, it is not ever acceptable in BDSM to simply grab a woman by her genitals. It is not okay to force yourself on her; Christian Grey, Donald Trump, or otherwise. As a seasoned professional who has helped D/s couples reach optimal control/surrender differentials in their relationships, I've never once suggested any Dominant force themselves on a submissive - even when they've been together for years and trust each other with their lives. Such an action could very well dissolve trust, therefore rendering the relationship abusive, rather than a BDSM-oriented configuration. 

Whether or not you put stock in the idea of "rape culture" there is definitely an air of toxic masculinity in modern America. Sure, there are family-oriented men in the GOP who renounce Donald Trump's horrible behavior (just like Trump fervently denounced Anthony Weiner as a sexual deviant and pervert...), and those men should be thought of as decent humans. But the ones who are not should be weeded out and systematically ruined. 

There are few occasions that I have to address BDSM in the mainstream media, but it seems like that amount is getting higher with passing weeks. I shall be spending a good portion of time interviewing professionals in the field of psychology, BDSM, and other related studies, and releasing those quite soon. If you have leads, friends, contacts, or other opportunities (suggestions, even) - I'm all ears. 
 

Managing a Harem Effectively.

October 7, 2016
In my time, I've managed quite a few groups of humans. Some of which were lovers, friends, cohabitants, volunteers, slaves. I have had simultaneous lovers living with Me, and I've had lovers living in separate spaces who came together with Me. It can be very difficult to manage these groups, but I've acquired some helpful tips for those who are brave (and perhaps ridiculous) enough to walk in My shoes. But it is also necessary to provide a solid foundation on which to give this information:

There are many configurations of polyamory. Some, such as polyfidelitous dynamics, will involve a primary partner, a secondary (or "satellite," "peripheral," whichever term is used) partner, and one other partner - all parties involved are faithful to one another and no outside seeking is happening. For the purpose of this article, I am addressing a specific, kink-friendly configuration, where there is one primary Dominant partner, who has multiple submissive partners (who may themselves also have other dynamics, but are not necessary to mention here). 

So, what are the tips? 

1. Practice "Gauging" Your Partners - This involves many things. First and foremost, as usual, is communication. It is integral to a successful management style to ensure that you are communicating as openly and honestly with your submissives as possible. If you are unsure about some of their feelings, ask gauging questions:

"how do you feel about ___________?" -
"would you feel uneasy if I __________?" -
"how are things progressing with ___________?"
"have your feelings changed surrounding any of our interactions?"

Being a submissive doesn't mean you give up your preferences or feelings completely (although some may take comfort in feeling "alleviated" from the burden of particulars like that) - so it is necessary to remind them that you have their best interests at heart. If one is being cold, distant, withdrawn, or sullen, be sure to communicate that you wish to know what the problem is. Address the issue from a firm but empathetic standpoint. Primary motivation should be to understand their point of view first, and then seek to explain your implementation, actions, etc. As a submissive, they are often predisposed to softening or hiding their feelings in order to spare yours. This is not a good habit, and should be discussed (neutrally rather than accusingly) as immediately as it shows up, to prevent communication barriers going forth. Learn to accommodate their language into yours. Make them feel safe, comfortable, and comforted. Absorb them into your world, but recognize their individual talents, contributions, and value. 

2. Delegate Responsibility According to Ability. - If you have a partner who is good at certain things, but not others, play to that advantage. A submissive who is wonderful with phone communication can be integral to a Primary that dislikes it (due to any number of issues, such as audio processing difficulties). Group messages and texts can be helpful to coordinate tasks or chores, and finding each submissive's Sweet Spot with regard to their comfort and ability can be priceless. If one is great with photography, they can archive the relationship. Is one a gifted writer? They can draft any documentation or contracts - or keep a household journal. A chef, mechanic, number cruncher? Perfect for any various needs around the house or with the Primary's belongings. They can even help each other out, if asked and accepted. A household calendar and routine is also excellent: Cozi Calendar offers a perfect solution to household scheduling, and sends out text reminders, etc. Brightnest keeps track of cleaning chores. Mint is great for commingled finances and keeping track of budgets/spending. 

3. Encourage Enhancement; Recognize Achievement
- This one sounds like a no-brainer, but is often the most overlooked part of managing a group of submissives. Without a set of specific tasks, many submissives feel lost; without an anchor or direction. Because of this, it is helpful to form a list of ways they can better themselves and go to it as soon as they start to feel antsy that they aren't getting your full attention. This way, they can occupy their time without necessarily monopolizing yours (even though they may want to), and they will have something they can be proud of, to show for it. It is here that I will suggest a 101 in 1,001. This setup, from the Day Zero Project, is a way to ensure that goals will be met in a time-sensitive fashion. Bonus: there are lots of inspirational posts about goals other people have met to get your creative juices flowing. As the Primary, be sure to recognize achievements as valid and appreciate them with your full enthusiasm - overlooking a proud accomplishment is a surefire way to make a submissive miserable. This method can even be applied to submission: if they want to improve or find ways to clean, cook, or manage their submission effectively, that can be added to the list! 

4. If a Crisis or Emergency Arises, Shift Group Focus - A sudden health problem, emergency, violation, or any situation that comes up needs to be taken care of in the most supportive way. So if any one member of your sub group faces an extreme challenge that might force you to prioritize them for a period of time, shift the group focus to that person. Let the other submissives know that there is a NEED for the injured/critical party to acquire support and aid, and that it is a group effort to make the ailing member whole again. Be clear about what can be done, who can do it, and start working on the plan immediately. A Primary doesn't need to be an army of one, if they have a small army behind them. This sort of working together is also helpful if there isn't as great of a need as the submissive is asking - if they are just seeking attention and exaggerating their need, it will be quickly revealed and stopped. Each initiation of emergency status should be considered in earnest before any "testing" or accusing with regard to dishonesty, however. Never approach a situation with blame or inconsiderate words. 

5. Distribute Rewards Evenly Unless Otherwise Specified - If you start off showering your submissives with gifts, praise, rewards, or other goodies - but slowly start to reward one more than the others (due to lack of funds or attention), be aware that this will be difficult for the other submissives. Communicate clearly and honestly about how things may change (using neutral explanations rather than "you're not as good" measures). If a submissive seems to desire more physical gifts, be sure to find out if the others are secretly resentful of this change. If a submissive seems more or less comfortable with their rewards, address that. 

6. Familiarize Yourself with the Tools of the Trade - Managing a group requires an arsenal of tools for communication, delegation, arbitration, mindfulness, and care. One metaphor I have seen and accept is the "garden" variety. Take a hard look at your available plot, decide what you want to grow, plant the seeds according to their individual needs, shower with sunshine, fertilizer, and fresh air, cull the weeds, take stock of any plants that are not doing well, fix them, and enjoy a bountiful harvest. As a literal translation (for those of you who need it): examine and consider how much time and what resources you have at your disposal for care and attention, decide what goals you have for your group, invest time and effort into learning and caring for each submissive, enrich their experience using your skills, nip problematic elements in the bud, address problems, solve them effectively, and reap the benefits of group time, attention, and talent. Keep in mind that this is a beautiful way to live, if you have the wherewithal to try it out, be patient, and commit to making a huge effort. 

So, now that you've thought about how to proceed, it is integral that you remind yourself of these elements, because they will be non-native to you for at least the first year or two. It isn't until you've been managing submissives for a long time that these tactics are revealed, let alone reflexive. In theory, a harem seems like a self-contained unit at your disposal, without putting much effort in, but you will be One Sorry Primary if you are garbage at these things. And remember... mutiny is never a fun experience!
 

Fifty Shades Darker.

September 28, 2016
Sometimes, I cannot believe I am addressing this 50 Shades nonsense. 

But I do anyway, because I would be remiss to ignore a cultural phenomenon that affects My precious community.

Getting down to it:

Essentially, 50 Shades of Grey created a fairly unhealthy, romanticized view of abuse for plenty of people (with little or no prior exposure to BDSM proper) who watched it. In BDSM, there is no shortage of outrageous nonsense, including aggressive blowjob videos that spin a BDSM session fantasy in many potential clients who believe I will be their "naughty porn star." So, it is not solely 50 Shades that I can blame for giving a false impression of either the community or members of it. In fact, even Short Bus (a film that I love), taken a bit out of context due to lack of exposure can lead some viewers to believe all Dominatrices are sullen, mopey, inherently submissive characters who lack a control over their own life that can only be replaced by controlling others. It is with this in mind that there starts to be a clear view of how inaccurate most media exposure in BDSM. But which came first, the chicken or the egg? One can suppose that it doesn't matter, or that these experiences may actually exist, these archetypes could be real, I just manage to somehow never see them... at any rate, your mileage may vary. But as for 50 Shades Darker - 

The trailer started off a typical romantic plot, full of platitudes and garbage. The very beginning invites you to forget the past. Christian Grey announces his lack of anticipation of how he felt for "the girl," who in turn demanded the situation must change if they were going to rekindle their "great BDSM love story" (that, mind you, didn't exist). He promises to change. Then eventually within the last 30 seconds, the plot thickens, everything escalates visually, and a crescendo of music lets you know that Shit Gets Real at some point.



It is not clear to whom this trailer is directed: people who want to get into 50 Shades but cannot bring themselves to sexualize abusive relationships? Those who hated the original film for putting out garbage on behalf of our community? An errant housewife who thought the first was a little much, but saw potential if things were corrected? Abusers who want to view themselves in this light? The demographic is confusing at best. 

There were many ways this story could have been told, developed, and ultimately marketed to audiences. Did they maximize the mainstream attraction to BDSM without all the responsibility involved? Perhaps. It could be argued that I am rehashing every Domme's unhappiness with popular depictions of BDSM in art. Or that "even bad publicity is good publicity" - a statement with which I do not agree - and I should just be happy that the average stay at home mom can use this piece as masturbatory fodder to get her juices flowing in the direction of D/s relationships. Sure, those points can be argued, but 50 Shades could have done their due diligence in outlining that this should not be the average experience for BDSM-led relationships. 
 

Praise for Well-Behaved Submissive Men.

August 27, 2016
It is with a dichotomy that We in the Pro-Domme sphere regard men:

On the one hand, our biggest flakes, most disgusting situations, worst scenes, and godawful experiences are with men.

On the other hand, our biggest fans, most wonderful situations, best scenes, and ecstatic experiences are with men.

A horrible "slave" is a wanna-be, big talker/no action douchebag, a loser of the highest order (whose dick size I won't even give them the satisfaction of addressing), and I've seen accounts of violent stalkers, out-ers, perpetrators of assault, threatening idiots, and other nonsense. I have had quite a bit of luck in the past ten years, Myself - I can count on one hand the number of times I've been so disgusted by a situation I've kicked a slave out of My session. And I don't receive threats or anything else, on the regular. If I did, I would probably address the situation so hard and so publicly (plus I have a wicked terrifying support system to call upon) that they would never leave the primordial slime from which they crawled in the first place. On the "better" end of the shit spectrum, we have these folks: wailing manbabies with terrible excuses for their ridiculous behavior, ones who see they make all of their own problems, who just use BDSM as a band-aid rather than a tool for growth, and who focus almost exclusively on themselves. Gross. 

A good slave is an obedient, appreciative, wonderful being; one with a good amount of pre-existing self-discipline, a sense of duty, and a fastidious nature. They delight in My pleasure, but also their own growth. Whenever I experience a moron slave wanna-be I think to Myself, "you know, if only they knew the sort of slave I deal with on the regular. Then they would feel embarrassed about their own behavior and realize how LITTLE I care about handling an idiot." And then there's a tier higher than this...

An EXCELLENT slave is one who regards Me in the highest honor. Who, like a very adoring boyfriend, would move mountains to please Me. If I mention I want something, he will take great care in finding that thing and gifting it to Me. If I mention I'm having trouble will listen and respond thoughtfully, supportively, and with consideration. This slave will suggest enriching My life in any way possible: book recommendations, places to visit, restaurants to attend, events in the scene. It is with this sort of slave, exclusively, that I have more of a heartfelt, mutually appreciative bond with, whom I will guide from My heart rather than My head (not that there's much of an appreciable difference in output, since I am a professional first and foremost), and whom I will treat preferentially and adore. Groom them like a sweet laboratory animal, on which I will lovingly test all of My new inventions and ideas. 



In a study conducted by Kathryn Klement (with some involvement of My oft-mentioned Dr. Brad Sagarin), Participating in a Culture of Consent May Be Associated With Lower Rape-Supportive Beliefs. Submissive men (who are often more likely to experience sexism in BDSM than to be the target) are painted as weak, disgusting, puddles of useless filth than Dominant women, and I find that heinous. It takes extraordinary bravery to own your submission, and when it is done tactfully, elegantly, and respectfully seeking out the services of a Professional Dominatrix, I can think of nothing I adore more on the planet. I may be married to a vanilla person, but I am also married to My loyal, sweet, humble slaves who contribute great things to My life. The Sadist in Me craves the complimentary opposite masochist in you. And My love languages are many, varied, and primarily sacrifice-oriented. 

As a kid I always appreciated the characters who had lavish lives. Those who were showered with gifts and luxury. When their surrounding cast would go to great lengths just to please their every whim. At the same time, I was cognizant that there was no lap of luxury without the beautiful creatures who surrounded them in that environment. Sure, I could sit on a gold throne, alone, looking down on the world from a television, but I'd much rather have the warmth of a human with a freshly beaten ass to act as My furniture or ashtray. There are few things in life I consider more joyful for Me to envision, or to be a part of. 


And so it is with appreciation that I tell the good and especially EXCELLENT slaves: I bear witness to your growth. I follow you in your struggle. I will dole out harsh words if I find you are abusing My auxiliary body, "yours" that I have ownership of, and will caress it after I bring it to a painful rapture. I appreciate the yin to My yang, and will forevermore be delighted of your existence, dedicating so much of Myself to making it the Best, Strongest, Most Owned, Most Submissive vessel it can be.  
 

Michael Phelps' kink links: BDSM and Cupping!

August 13, 2016
Michael Phelps is no stranger to controversy. Just as he excels in his respective sports, he draws a commensurate amount of attention to his personal life. In 2004, he was arrested and sentenced to 18 months' probation for a DUI charge. In 2009, a photo was published where he was smoking a bong filled with marijuana. This caused him to receive disciplinary action from several sponsor companies, and seemed to damage his relationship with some of his younger fans. In 2012, he was arrested again on a DUI charge. Additional charges were added for excessive speed and crossing the double line. It seems this Baltimore Bullet had personal demons to fight. So he entered rehab and seemed to shape up his personal image. 



But those were his public woes. He's had a few brushes with his private life going public as well. Between 2013 and now, he has been linked to:

  • Kim Petro, a Dominatrix, who allegedly gave him a golden shower and allowed him to masturbate while wearing women's panties. 
  • Taylor Lianne Chandler, an intersex model born with limited male genitalia who admitted she had surgery to construct a "normal" vagina in her 20s and did not reveal the presence of any mutation to Phelps. 
  • A sex worker named Theresa White who had many encounters with Phelps, including a spontaneous threesome. 
  • An onslaught of one night stands which included kinky details, and apparently simultaneous to his relationship with his now-wife, Nicole Johnson. 
Once you see the sort of battles he fought with respect to the onlooking public, it makes sense that he would need to repair his image. An analysis of his repair campaign was conducted and found to have been successful. So is it possible that his "cupping" therapy is actually a veiled way for him to practice BDSM in the public eye without a scandal? Absolutely. 



In both BDSM and alternative "medicinal" therapy, "cupping" is used to refer to a multi-faceted practice (executed several different ways).


"Wet" cupping is a practice where water is introduced into a cup suctioned against the skin, and typically involves drawing a bit of blood, which can look very painful to the average observer.


"Dry" cupping is generally done with a suction pump attached to a nozzle on the opposite side of where the cup meets the skin. This is the kind used by Phelps. It can utilize a fire element, but it is not necessary. 


"Fire" cupping is carried out using a hemostat to rub a flaming alcohol-soaked cotton ball around the entire inside of a glass cup, pulling the cotton ball out, and quickly affixing the glass to the skin. Due to the fire strangling out oxygen and creating a vacuum, this method will draw the skin up slowly by itself, rather than using a pump to aid the process. 

Because many practitioners often love fire play, the third method, fire cupping, is the most widely used method in BDSM. But there are certainly accounts of fire cupping at play in the BDSM community that do not use fire.


All of that said, if Phelps were interested in receiving a BDSM experience without the potential of tabloid exposure* -- a dry cupping in full view of the public while other Olympians engaged in the practice would be a perfect cover. And he should not be shamed for it, ever. 

* I am personally morally opposed, in the most resolute of ways, to a Domme exposing her clientele for the sake of becoming a tabloid star. May a thousand bedbugs infest the sad, garbage life of Kim Petro. 
 

Tickle Torture and the Psychology of "Oochy-Coochy-Coo"

August 3, 2016
Tickling is a phenomenon. Outwardly a playful, laughter-inducing activity, it can be lighthearted and pleasant. But it has a darker side: tickling indicates dominance, can reduce someone to tears, and it has even been used as a method to kill people at various times in history, including the Holocaust.

So, what is tickling? First, it is necessary to note that not all tickling is the same. There are two types of tickle sensations that are perceptible to human touch. The first is called knismesis, a light "tickling" that resembles an itch (as a bug crawling across the skin) which is thought to be an evolutionary trait that signals to our brain that a (potentially dangerous) bug or creepy crawly is on our bodies and needs to be immediately removed for safety. The second, gargalesis, which generally produces a laughter effect, is the result of heavier pressure tickles in sensitive areas. Primates and rats are thought to be the only creatures who experience this latter form of tickling. Both types of tickling create different reactions in the brain, but both are quite interesting (and often misunderstood).



The fetish of tickling is called knismolagnia, and is very underrepresented in academic research/literature.

Neurological information has shown that tickling itself does have a reflexive quality. The same way you might cry when you're intensely sad - but also when you are happy and chop onions - a subject may laugh when they are tickled, but that does not preclude discomfort or even terror. In fact, some studies suggest that tickle laughter is similar to nervous laughter or other forms of anxiety that are expressed in unconventional ways. It was thought that the sole reason for tickling was primary bonding between mother and baby, but that has since been disproven due to the ability of humans to be tickled by robots and other machines. Some research suggests that tickle bonding between a mother and child is a mimicry of play attacks - which, if done too harshly can be perceived similarly to real attacks. Whenever tickling is overdone or non-consensual, it can cross over into insidious territory. 



On dominance and submission: tickling is likely motivated by showing submission to an aggressor. The areas of the human body that are typically the most ticklish are not those which are the most sensitive - they're the same ones that are the most vulnerable to injury. Tickling is not, after all, just a laughing matter



Where has tickle torture been used? It began as a simple, undetectable punishment during the Han Dynasty of China, between 205 CE and 585 CE - members of nobility who did not require public shaming or evidence of punishment to be effective would receive this from the courts. In ancient Rome, victims' feet were dipped in a salt water solution and animals were brought in to lick the soles of their feet, which at first might have been a pleasant sensation, due to the sandpaper texture of the animals' tongues, would become unbearable after a short time. Heinz Heger wrote his account of observing Nazi prison guards torturing gay men through tickling them. Tickle torture is cited as a major abuse in the lives of children, when aggressors take the tickling too far (further indicating submission). 

Now that we know the potential of tickling to be torturous, it is left to a Dominant to consider how to execute this form of beautiful agony on Our willing guinea pigs. For a fledgling Dominant, it is easy to use tickle torture because many of the underlying cues that trigger an empathy response in a particularly compassionate Dominant do not exist when the submissive is being tickled (laughter; not furrowed brow, squeezed eyes, screaming). That said, it can also be a double edged sword, as it is quite possible (and easy) to tickle a person until they lose bladder control or even consciousness. Tickling must be carried out carefully, because despite how fun and exciting it may seem, it can be deadly.

Some submissives may think, "AH, but the 
ecstasy of going beyond subspace, into a part of yourself you had long since forgotten - an unbridled, forced laughter at the hands of a 'big kid' and then being able to stop the action instantly with a single word, unlike ever before." While that is a valid thought to have about the fetish, a safe word may be very important if you're nearing a breaking point.  

And here are some more ideas for the kinkier practitioners of tickle torture!

 

Newsletter! Changes! Updates! *lure*

July 20, 2016
Ch-ch-ch-changes!

MadameRax.com has had some revamping:

Findom menu now includes Bitcoin, a gallery of gifts, and the beginnings of My video catalog
There is now an "Invasive Measures" section, with blackmail and surveillance.
In surveillance, I listed the programs I use for distance monitoring/control.
I added a menu under "About" for Stats - so you can see more about Me.
Writing is a new menu item, and that is where this Blog is located. 
Sessions gained menus for ABDL, Double Domme, and Training.
My blog can now be added to an RSS feed reader.
Madame Rax has acquired a Press Kit!

you can call Me on Niteflirt.
you can contact Me via Email
you can session with Me in Logan Square.
you can fall prey to My extreme findom clutches.

Take a look at My fetish list



And here's My newsletter.
(I read you a bedtime story, in it.)
(Plus a free task for any willing slave.)
Subscribe to My newsletter here!


 

A Love Letter to Servants and Slaves.

June 25, 2016
Despite My very clear and present Atheism, I am incredibly excited by religiosity, particularly of the Christian variety. The imagery, the moral outrage, the judgment, damnation, mortification of the flesh, transmogrification, incest, abuse, torture, withholding, punishment. It's all terribly resplendent to Me, and thus I find Myself very attracted to the deviant, sinful, and immoral behaviors that provoke the wrath of an entire deity. 

We often say in BDSM, that our practice is a "break" from the drudgery of everyday life. But I am positive that there are people who find extreme purpose and fulfillment exactly in that mundane toil. They act as an invocation to all of the messages of the Bible, about having a "joyful servant's heart" - a seemingly oxymoronic sentence, for those of us who dread ordinary, repetitive tasks. To be clear, I am the sort of person who sees no joy in domestic duties. I have not a servant's bone in My body, and I'd rather be a slave driver than push a mop and bucket. I am currently married to someone who is so blatantly uncomfortable about being served that they let Me order their food at restaurants. Such an inverse of Me. 

That said, I'm a huge fan of Drudges. Domestic slaves; those who delight in being a servant, a maid, a scullion. Those who make a conscious effort to gobble up and execute all of the information about cooking, cleaning, servitude. They read articles, watch videos, pine over manuals, books, and magazines in order to perfect their respective crafts. For the same reason Christianity extols a servant, I do as well, so without further ado, here are some Bible verses that begin to touch on the heart of a servant, from a value perspective:

1 Corinthians 15:58 - Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.

Matthew 23:12 And whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.   

Philippians 2:7 - {Jesus} made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.


Then there are passages dedicated to keeping a servant humble, a rather delightful and subtle dominance put forth by God - and essential guide on not topping from the bottom:

Matthew 10:24 - A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. 

Romans 13:4 - For he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. 

Then there is the love story of Arthur Munby and Hannah Cullwick. It was a Victorian-era romance, which did not include a consummation of their wedding, but a lifelong prized possession/passionate slave relationship. Not only did they fall in love and secretly elope, they kept their marriage mostly secret until their deaths. Hannah, at Arthur's behest, kept a diary of drudging for 18 years, and he says of her: 

"Fifty years — aye, more than fifty — has she done her best to please ; 
Happy in her humble calling, happy on her hand and knees : 
For she loves the joys of scrubbing, blacking grates and cleaning stairs, 
And she shows her love in that way, as the ladies do in theirs.

She was born for love and labour, and in her, the two are one : 
Nothing checks her, nothing daunts her, till her daily work is done ; 
And she does it, not for wages, not for merit, but to prove 
That no labour is too low to be the language of her love."

   
Hannah Cullwick (top) and Arthur Munby (bottom)

From the onset of manhood, it seems, Arthur had a fetishistic obsession with "working" women -- not sex workers, mind you -- just women who worked domestic and otherwise labor jobs that made them dirty, tattered, and otherwise very muscular or masculine. He seemed to cherish this demographic above all else, and was actually quite disparaging about affluent women who eschewed any income generation. 

He was also very adamant that they chose their station in life: 

"And she does sit there of evenings, when her household toils are o'er. 
When she's wash'd up all the dishes, when she's clean'd the kitchen floor ; 
In her servant's dress she sits there, neat and tidy, fresh and clean. 
And he would not change her presence for the splendours of a queen."'

In the book, The 5 Love Languages, there is a language of love called "Acts of Service." This is a "don't tell me, show me" expression of love. It is clear that Hannah Cullwick expressed her love with acts of service, and Arthur Munby appreciated that. I feel similarly: if you do things for Me, I appreciate it far greater than just saying things. Acts of servitude are valuable, enriching, and even necessary. So what better way to experience someone's value than to observe their acts of service?
 

Help! I'm not like this, it's just my fantasy!

June 10, 2016
Over the years, I have had clients say to Me, "look, I'm really not a misogynist, but I have this overwhelming fantasy of watching women get stabbed in the stomach" - or -"I have this awkward fantasy where I'm yelling racist slurs at people outside my race, and it makes me uncomfortable!"

Know that you are not alone in your apprehension.  

I was speaking to a friend of Mine earlier, and he confided that he was concerned about some of his fetishes, because they involved fantasies which revolved around a few behaviors or -isms that made him uncomfortable. Since we do not have a relationship that is centered around him trying to impress Me (so that I will take him on as a personal slave or client), I knew this was a genuine concern, and one that I felt it was time to address. To the folks who are concerned about your fantasies, I ask one question:

"Would you feel weird or uncomfortable acting out these thoughts and feelings outside of your fantasy, or with someone who did not agree to enact them?"

Likely, your answer is a resounding, "yes." And it is because of that, that you need not worry. The fact that you are cognizant of the trouble involved in engaging in racist, sexist, or homophobic behavior shows that you are concerned about those who suffer from it in everyday life. By caring, and being concerned, you are demonstrating your personal dislike of that sort of awful behavior, and would not treat a person badly on the street based on their sexuality, perceived race, or gender. -- That said, the exceptions to whether or not you should worry are: if you are tortured by fantasies that you feel unable to control yourself about, and you have the urge to act out these horrific behaviors, that is a problem. If you invoke "skirting the line" justifications for why it would be "totally okay" to do that to someone who doesn't consent, that is also a huge problem. If you feel anyone for any reason "has it coming" or "deserves" the sort of thing you'd be doing during the scene (or if you were just watching as a voyeur), I'd actually argue that you really need honest-to-goodness therapy before you even interact with other people. Because in BDSM we realize the differences between a winking "you're a dirty little whore" inspired by roleplay - and a knee-jerk reaction of "wow, you're actually a dirty little whore" as a derogatory statement when the other party discusses their sexuality. --

There are three basic components in kink that may contribute to finding a reprehensible scenario sexually exciting: shame, power, and externalizing.

Shame: If you are normally ashamed of other people that occupy your demographic who harbor sexist, racist, or homophobic attitudes, summoning the sort of shame and revulsion you may feel for others, directed at yourself, may be exciting. There are plenty of fetishes rooted in shame, and that sort of sexual pairing is very common. Do something disgusting or reprehensible - hate your role and make yourself nauseated at how gross it all is - get excited. And if you want to get childhood-related, sometimes occupying the role of a past abuser may give you a sick feeling inside that translates into a throbbing urge: if you grew up with a racist father you were terrified of becoming, it may feel liberating for a second to stop worrying so much and throw yourself into that fire (because it won't actually hurt you, and you can retain your integrity as a person).

Power: If you feel powerless on the regular, or if you feel like your power has been awarded to you but not actually earned (because you were born into a certain demographic), you may feel a special kind of power trip when denigrating another person based their own accident of birth (race, sex, class, etc). Since that is not a chosen thing (one doesn't choose birth race or sex - although they can theoretically change gender and racial appearance), it is difficult to really feel the weight of those characteristics being insulted. Perhaps you actually feel inferior to people of color, and this is a way to act out the desire for power. Perhaps you feel white people (or men, etc) are actually stealing the roles of power and it's cathartic to "win" the power "fair and square," and bring you a bit of merit, instead of just a birthright.      

Externalizing: Sometimes, part of kink revolves around the externalizing of problematic thoughts or urges. For everyone who has a rape fetish, there is someone who would enjoy acting out a non-consensual fantasy (read: NOT PERPETRATING A RAPE IN REAL LIFE, but enjoying rape-play). Perhaps as a kid you saw a film which had a Master/slave relationship in it and romanticized either how devoted the slave was to the master -  or, oppositely, saw what a fulfilling and attractive life was found in being a servant. 

At any rate, no matter how you slice it, there are people who will disagree with the level of healthiness of indulging any kink. Naysayers of race play, age play, rape play, any kink on any level will attack from all directions: institutionalized racism means anyone who wants to be called the n-word is self-loathing and sick, anyone who would get the urge to overpower a woman must be a rapist no matter what, if you find it sexy that someone dresses like a baby you must be a pedophile. Any man who wants to call a woman a whore is obviously a misogynist. Blah, blah, blah. But the chief question is: is this fantasy, or your reality? If it's fantasy, act it out all day with a partner who is extremely willing and capable - and if it's reality or you want to entrap/force a party who is not interested or enthusiastic, get help immediately

So realistically there is no need to feel shame or embarrassment stemming from your urges. Everyone has had some weird desire or fantasy at some point, and as long as it doesn't violate, harm, or assault an unwilling or unknowing participant, you're certainly fine. 
 


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