The Rapture of Surrender

May 29, 2018
It is exceedingly difficult for even the most pliable of submissives to make the transformative Total Power Exchange (TPE). 

The slave wants to rebel, break free, fight back. Their own narratives are central to their desires. Their whims come first.

So what happens if they give them up? 

Many things, if the Dominant is a good one. 

The initial surrender may feel terrifying, especially to a person who is as guarded as most submissives are. Because Dominance is so commonly abused, slaves must practice all of the disciplines of self-preservation and keeping parts of themselves untouched by others, because of judgment, scorn, and shame. Slaves are discarded fairly regularly and therefore cultivate an atmosphere of "this Dominant is temporary" and try not to pin all of their possibilities on one person.

This may occur as a consequence of real-life action, but more often than not it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because the Dominant cannot count on the endurance and dependence of a finicky or frightened, self-obsessed slave, the Dominant will see no point in dominating someone who will not willingly or enthusiastically surrender. And so the cycle continues; the discard begins. 

So, how is this cycle prevented? The key is to quit being so terrified. If you trust a Dominant enough to give them agency over you in life (and possibly even death), you must be willing to demonstrate that. More than words to show you feel that your submission is for real. Start to consider the following:

1. What will happen if I relinquish this power to my Dominant?
 - if the answer is, "I will die" then you have the wrong Dominant. 
 - if the answer is, "I may be afraid, but I trust my Dominant to make great decisions" then you're on the right track. 
 - if the answer is, "I don't know, but I can imagine a million disaster scenarios" then you're looking from the wrong eyes. 

Giving power to your Dominant should not hurt you. It might be scary (especially to those with anxiety or other mood disruptions) but it shouldn't damage your life in any way. 

2. How can I look at things differently?
 - if you have NO vision for your ideal life with your Dominant, that's the first problem. 
 - if you can imagine all of the chaos and bedlam, but not a happy ideal in your mind, that's the other problem. 
 - if you are being obstinate and sticking to all of the gory mindfucks of fear, STOP. 

GET AN IDEAL. CREATE A VISION. START WORKING TOWARD IT. 

The phrase goes, "when you have nothing to stand for, you'll fall for anything." This is the same with idealization. If you don't have goals, visions, markers of success - your brain will fill in all of the missing details with car crashes, succumbing to disease, and everything bad. So work toward the good. And always keep your Dominant primary in your mind.   
 

The Guilt / Shame Cycle

April 24, 2018
Due to the nature of My work, I have taken many submissives who experience a very profound cycle.

Lurking and Learning - they try to get to know Me on a desperate level. Furiously Googling every corner of the web for My name and permutations of My contact information to try to figure out if I'm "safe" and "sane." Looking for evidence that I'm some sort of whatever their worst case scenario is. Cannot find it, because I'm not a thief and I'm far too much of an anarchist to cooperate with authorities. 

Communication and Expression -
they reach out to Me with a coy, tentative email. Trying to figure out if I'm not a cop, not a scam artist, not a man. During this part of the cycle, I am very reassuring. I am there to help, not harm. And if your help involves injury, I'm glad to dispense it. They're happy to offer the tribute, and tell Me how much value My time has. I already recognize this beginning. Eventually they leak that they're married, partnered, etc. But no one's spouse is My concern, nor am I looking to ruin anyone. I use My BDSM powers for good even if it feels bad. 

Engaging and Experiencing - this is the part where the slave starts to indulge the addiction portion of the cycle. I start to infiltrate their life, which makes them gloriously satisfied. They're excited, possibly horny -- though that isn't My problem --can't get enough. They temper themselves and reason that they shouldn't be doing this anyway, but since they've started already... and I'm not judging them... why not? For a short period of time, the slave who is stuck in this cycle feels great. About themselves, about their progress, about all choices. They're actualizing. It's beautiful. But then...

Connecting and Avoidance - usually during a weekend (or holiday) there's some sort of connection with their significant other. They suddenly feel intense guilt, which leads them to validate their own shame. When this happens, I notice. They are noticeably absent compared to the amount of time they had spent texting Me, before - with every free second they had. After a while, I prod them a bit to see where they're at in the process. They suddenly dump their confession of guilt and proclaim that they have to act in the best interest of {whomever}. The fact that the associated feeling is shame indicates that they are not ready to break free from their compulsion. After all, if it's not processed, they'll keep doing it. The urge will haunt. I am absolutely certain that some of you, reading this, are plagued by this exact impulse. 

Realization and Panic - Despite the fix being temporarily acquired, there is still unaddressed underlying addiction. If that seems harsh or ultra-blunt to say, this is because you've been deluding yourself into thinking you can change the cycle through sheer willpower. And of course, you've been using mitigating language to apply to your behavior. "Well it's only" - "but if I just..." "well NEXT time..." - plainly put, no. There is no breaking this grip, using your method. There is no relief without going through it. And since I've successfully facilitated this "graduation" - I am keenly aware of the cycle and how to manipulate it so ultimately you are fully in control of your behaviors, without the choking panic of this guilt / shame cycle.

But since you don't go through it, instead choosing to run away...

Honeymoon and Relapse -
Since vowing change, the submissive will make all sorts of promises to mitigate their shame. They'll do better, be better. Clean house, impress their wife, take the family for a nice meal. In their mind, this is repenting without the horror of honesty. Things are going swimmingly. Except for that underlying guilt and shame. Which starts to creep in... and it can only be alleviated one way: through indulgence of the very thing that makes you feel happy and satisfied. So the process begins all over again. 

I get asked all kinds of questions about My career. Am I exploiting the addicted? Do I ever feel bad for their wives? How can I sleep at night knowing that My clients are lying in such a way, about Me?

There's an easy answer and a complex answer: 

Easy: A siren does not lament her effect. 

Complex: If the slave is actually interested in alleviating this problem, it's a painstaking (but very rewarding) process to get "rid" of it. Those who have are forever indebted to Me for the way I've shaped their lives and helped them release themselves from their internal bondage. And I'm glad to do whatever the situation calls for.
 

My Domination Toolbox

April 13, 2018
In order to be an effective Dominant, I've gone through a long process of acquiring tools and honing techniques. Each one I've honed to My liking. As I always say, Dominance is getting your slave to want what YOU want... for their benefit -- and ultimately yours.

The tools I've developed for this are the following:
 
Logic
Exampling
Punishment
Tease/Denial
Conditioning
Sexuality
Force

Logic is a tool that is most effective for convincing a slave they *need* to do something, or they'll naturally experience unwanted consequences. If they are overweight and have a chronic health problem because if it, the next step is to move forward with getting healthier. If they don't, they'll continue to deteriorate. If they are procrastinating on a project that would generate money, it's to their benefit to complete the project so they can make more money. If they don't, they'll continue to see a dwindling income. Logic is great to use when you want to remind a slave who is bogged down in brain static that they can take simple steps to improve their situation.
            
Exampling is a tool that is most effective for when you want to motivate a slave who is fueled by competition. If you say "slave boy 3 has improved his income for Me by taking odd jobs from Craigslist" you are exampling. This creates the narrative "well, if slave boy 3 can do it, I can do that - AND BETTER!" Be careful not to use this in an abusive way, such as, "my ex-slave did this better than you, you're garbage!" unless they specifically request that sort of treatment. Crossing that line (when you aren't asked) is being shit, not being Dominant. It's quite difficult to forge a path that hasn't been walked before because there is no example. Exampling is great to use when you want to show a slave that something is possible, if they get out of their own way.

Punishment is a tool that is most effective when a slave specifically asks for it, consents to it, and seems to grow as a result of it. Not all slaves enjoy punishment. Some are very embarrassed by it, and it causes them to become distant or even avoidant. Types of punishment vary by slave. Some take to writing lines or formal apologies, while others react with catharsis and immediate behavior correction to physical reprimand. Punishment is great to use when you want to shove a slave out of their typical routine/mode, or push them out of a rut or slump.               

Tease/Denial is a tool that is most effective when a slave has a motivation for chasing something they can't have. These are the slaves who likely say things like "they said I couldn't, so I needed to prove them wrong!" When you tease a slave with possibilities, then deny them the privilege, they'll go the extra mile to try to acquire what they want. Whether that's interaction, approval, extra treats or goodies, etc. This is not to be confused with the usage of sexuality, which will be discussed later in this writing. Tease/Denial is great to use when you want the slave to see the goal to boost them toward reaching it.

Conditioning is a tool that is most effective for using repeated exposure and behavior modeling to embed a certain thought or action into a slave without using the other methods. It is forming habits, immersing the slave in a certain culture, or repeatedly using the same instruction or impetus to prompt them to do a particular thing. If your slave hears "All Glory to Madame" enough, it becomes their mantra and they internalize it. Once something is internalized, it is quite difficult to shake, as this is how habits are formed (which we know are difficult to break). Conditioning is great to use when a slave is comforted by repetition and subtle transformation because they need comfort when they grow.

Sexuality is a tool that is most effective for slaves who are motivated by their genitals and sexual attention. These are the slaves who say things like "I'd do ANYTHING to get Madame Rax's attention. She is so beautiful." When a slave is obviously trying to make more money to impress a Dominant, (in male conditioned people) that is usually an indicator that they're motivated by sexual prospects and attention. Sexuality is great to use when a slave seems to think with "their little head" more than their big one, and throw caution to the wind when it comes to their fetishes.

Force is a tool that is most effective for slaves who don't take small hints. Those who need to be backed into a very tight spot in order to move. They're the ones who allude to getting "in over their head" or use other idioms that involve being coerced through an overwhelming situation that presents only one option. Ensure that you DO NOT use this tool without prior consent. Force upon an unwilling participant is ABUSE. Blackmail is often an exciting proposition to these sorts of slaves. Force is great to use when a slave doesn't respond optimally to the other tools.


 

Updates for the Recently Deceased:

March 17, 2018
Where hath your Madame gone, lately?

Well, in December, I was in a coma. Had pneumonia, lungs failed, on life support, almost died. Had to fully recover once extubated (VERY Exorcist, roman shower fetishists would have loved it). Have returned to being a POWERHOUSE. Physically more healthy than I've been in years, stronger (going to the gym a lot), and quit smoking - to some of your chagrin. 

I've made this site more mobile-friendly.
I had a beautiful session with My trans chastity slave. 
I have started to use Twitter and Facebook again. 

Enjoy a session in photos:







 

On the Flimsy Nature of Submission

January 18, 2018
Many submissives have a dichotomous relationship with being Dominated:

On one hand, they can be fastidious, dedicated, focused, and unyielding in the face of adversity.

But on the other hand, they can be finicky, wishy-washy, unreasonably preferential, and living more in fantasy than reality.

Dominance should optimize. A good Dominant will use a submissive to the best of their ability; a smile will creep across His/Her face when the slave has done an impressive thing. A great Dominant will take the time to figure out the aspirations of the slave, and use them to achieve that end. A primary focus for a truly wonderful Dominant will be to push the slave to accomplish every goal, hit the bucket list, become a far better creature (and therefore a better tool for the Dominant). 

Dominance should enhance. Physiological health should improve - fitness, emotional well-being, endurance, strength, and ultimately longevity. A puny, weak, emotionally unstable slave does no good for any Dominant. I don't Dominate children, animals, or the mentally incapacitated. Why? It's already established that they're below the capacity to benefit from My Dominance and are clearly not a challenge. I don't Dominate a wet blanket, either. 

Dominance should benefit. Despite the seemingly selfish nature of a Dominant in popular culture (and poor executors of Dominance), a good D/s relationship at the least should be beneficial to both parties in some perceptible way. Minimum. A great D/s relationship will create a comfortable positive dynamic where both parties feel more in control of their lives during their interactions (or comfortably out-of-control for slaves who enjoy that). A wonderful D/s dynamic is similar to a "power couple" - both parties will achieve their dreams and become integral parts of each other's continued success. 

Should any of these fall out of balance, a Domino effect is created - and everything falls apart. But always remember: Dominance should optimize, not erode. 
 

Calculating a Podcast

June 24, 2017
So, I have been putting forth effort in other areas than social media lately. I obviously have BDSM on My mind most of the time, if not always churning away in the background, but I have been paving a new path for Myself.

I am going to be creating a podcast. 

I have questions, ready and willing experts in their respective psychological fields, I'm building equipment. 

If you'd like to help, email TheMadame@MadameRax.com with information about yourself, including:

Capacity to aid:
Willing time to work:
Realistic assessment of your contribution:
Have you done anything like this before:
Examples of work done in the past:
And personal contact information, details.
 

Constructing a Submissive Cue Glossary

December 14, 2016
In BDSM, communication is key. But what happens when dirty talk or extensive discussion - or even words themselves - are the enemy? 

Construct a glossary and give it to your Dominant.

If verbal communication is not your primary method of externalizing how you feel, you can think of all of the ways you show your feelings. Take a photo of each face or gesture, put it in a chart, and use a brief sentence to explain how you feel in any given situation.



This does not have to be a graphic, though a glossary of faces and gestures would be helpful. It can be told verbally at some point, or even demonstrated. It can also be written in list form:

* If I nuzzle my head against your body, this means I am being affectionate, though I would appreciate more physical contact.

* When I start to space out, I am becoming anxious and need to be pulled out of the situation I am in at the moment.

* Whining indicates that I am feeling a bit antagonized and would like to calm the session or play down.

* Crying is not a bad thing. If I am positioning in a more submissive way, that means I am open and vulnerable. I prefer to be handled as strictly as possible during this time. 

There are so many ways to communicate, but it is also paramount that you understand while your Dominant may be very intuitive, nobody is a complete mind reader. Expecting something without making a statement is a rude and bratty behavior - one that I only tolerate to a point. Once the threshold of insolence is crossed, it is hard to get back on My good side. But coming up with ways to show that you want something is a perfect way to let a Dominant know what is going on with you without necessarily explaining it in the moment. 
 

All Women Secretly Love Being Dominated

December 10, 2016
If you have ever read the comments on an article about consent or courting women, you will likely see the phrase "deep down, all women love to be dominated." I am personally met with inquiries fairly regularly: "Madame, You are a powerful, sexy woman, I bet You just LOVE let your hair down and take the business end of a whip, or get a firm backhand from an Alpha Male, right?" After all, it would make sense to be a Person-of-Power activity - male CEOs have the stereotype that they all love to get spanked on their sparse days off... why would a boss bitch, especially a Domme, be any different?

For Me, here is why I am different:

Since childhood, when it comes to works of fiction, I always identified much more with the villain of a story than the hero. I did not want to hang out with Ariel, I wanted to be Ursula the sea witch. Sure, the hopelessly romantic rebel teen girl seemed ostensibly charming, but I would throw her into oncoming traffic to get closer to Ursula. I preferred the evil fairies and the ice queens, even the male villains; the cunning and deviant Scar. Don’t even get Me started on Jafar, that witty, sensual, intelligent, and well-spoken creature. I would have chewed Aladdin up and spit him out. The heroes were hapless dimwits who may have been slightly clever but were so much more one-dimensional. They took on the load of heroism at the cost of the complex motive. Going against the grain, rather than always rooting for the victor is more My speed, anyway. I never liked wholesome, except to devour it - in that way, I am a Big Bad Wolf. Even in stories with more than one perceptible villain-type, I tend to find one I adore; I found the Wizard of Oz to be a charlatan, but the true hero was the Wicked Witch of the West (which was confirmed, to My extreme joy, by the play Wicked - which I saw with one of my closest friends). 

I am attracted to vulnerability. And seeing how much a person is willing to do, in order to please Me. How far down into your spirit can I peer My sharp eyes? And how deeply can I be let in, so that I can swim around your psyche? I appreciate possession; the passion of intense fixation. The stuff that is deemed oh-so-unhealthy by the psychiatrists of yesteryear. Forge your own individual identity, they say - and you should - so that I can absorb its power. 

I get along with intellectual male Dominants only when they are calm, cool, and do not try to assert their personalities over Me. It is not that I devalue the role of the submissive - it's that I am in love with the dynamic it creates between U/us. Dominant Madame Rax + Dominant Overeager Jerkoff with Shit to Prove = annoyance. I become rather irritated and wish to disregard the presence of the other so-called Dominant. But when I step into a position of guidance and leadership, I hit transient hypofrontality. A beautiful state of flow that washes over Me like a calm and intense power. I am focused, on point, and hit all of the marks. And it is SO rewarding when I know the other person involved is doing this with all of their agency. 

Have I tried submission? Yes. I have tried it the way a naturally masculine man slips into a dress with hairy legs, broad shoulders, and clunks like a caveman in heels. I have tried it, like learning a foreign language I do not care to pronounce or listen to. I am capable of it, but it is not preferable to Me. When I become incredibly aroused, I also transform into a more aggressive, hands-on, commanding, bitey creature. In summary, I prefer to be on top (psychologically) at all times.  
 

50 Shades of Trump: A Dominatrix's View.

October 12, 2016


Surprise, surprise. Back to talking about 50 Shades again. Because if there's anything more beloved by the masses than taking BDSM out of context, it's using it to excuse abuse and violation. 

Starting off: there is an extreme difference between Dominance and abuse. That difference is consent. Consent is a ubiquitous necessity, even for vanilla people! A lack of it is what elevates the average sexual experience from intercourse to sexual assault. It's what changes boxing to attempted murder. That's what shifts the post from "getting a few drinks and having a one night stand" to date rape. Deficiency of consent is even what changes a silent protest into a violation of the first amendment. It transforms fun consensual bondage into an actual prison term. This EXACT same concept is applicable to a million different scenarios, some of which involve a sexual component, but many that do not.

Dominance is included in such aforementioned scenarios. BDSM involves a voluntary exchange of some power (and potentially nearly ALL power, in the case of TPE slave ownership) from an initiator to a secondary party. The key observation involves the fact that there has to be an initiating party. A seeker, a person in search of, someone who is yearning. It cannot just be SPRUNG upon someone, on the off chance that they're "okay" with the Dominant introducing a piss-poor behavior or inherently violent act, such as assault. An act, which, if intentionally sought out, would be perfectly fine to negotiate and execute, as long as both parties were enthusiastically ready and willing to participate. Without initiation, though... it's a problem. Further, what many vanilla observers do not realize is that this power exchange involves a huge amount of trust - dedication, agreement, negotiation, facilitated execution, and quite often mutual love, admiration, or at least respect. 

So let's talk about Trump, shall we? Not that I'm particularly enthusiastic about discussing inhuman scumbags, but it's necessary to myth-bust this idea that all men, especially those of a Dominant ilk, will or should (given half a chance) behave or speak about women in this fashion. Without further ado, here are some of the things the Donald has said about women:

"Just kiss. I don't even wait. And when you're a star they let you do it. You can do anything. Whatever you want. Grab 'em by the pussy. You can do anything."

"Well, I'll tell you the funniest is that before a show, I'll go backstage and everyone's getting dressed, and everything else, and you know, no men are anywhere, and I'm allowed to go in because I'm the owner of the pageant and therefore I'm 'inspecting' it..."

"You know, I'm inspecting because I want to make sure that everything is good. You know, the dresses. 'Is everyone okay?' You know, they're standing there with no clothes. 'Is everybody okay?' And you see these incredible looking women, and so, I sort of get away with things like that."

Back to what I said about consent. Even in a case where the perceptible arrangement is a D/s (Dominant/submissive) one, it is not ever acceptable in BDSM to simply grab a woman by her genitals. It is not okay to force yourself on her; Christian Grey, Donald Trump, or otherwise. As a seasoned professional who has helped D/s couples reach optimal control/surrender differentials in their relationships, I've never once suggested any Dominant force themselves on a submissive - even when they've been together for years and trust each other with their lives. Such an action could very well dissolve trust, therefore rendering the relationship abusive, rather than a BDSM-oriented configuration. 

Whether or not you put stock in the idea of "rape culture" there is definitely an air of toxic masculinity in modern America. Sure, there are family-oriented men in the GOP who renounce Donald Trump's horrible behavior (just like Trump fervently denounced Anthony Weiner as a sexual deviant and pervert...), and those men should be thought of as decent humans. But the ones who are not should be weeded out and systematically ruined. 

There are few occasions that I have to address BDSM in the mainstream media, but it seems like that amount is getting higher with passing weeks. I shall be spending a good portion of time interviewing professionals in the field of psychology, BDSM, and other related studies, and releasing those quite soon. If you have leads, friends, contacts, or other opportunities (suggestions, even) - I'm all ears. 
 

Managing a Harem Effectively.

October 7, 2016
In my time, I've managed quite a few groups of humans. Some of which were lovers, friends, cohabitants, volunteers, slaves. I have had simultaneous lovers living with Me, and I've had lovers living in separate spaces who came together with Me. It can be very difficult to manage these groups, but I've acquired some helpful tips for those who are brave (and perhaps ridiculous) enough to walk in My shoes. But it is also necessary to provide a solid foundation on which to give this information:

There are many configurations of polyamory. Some, such as polyfidelitous dynamics, will involve a primary partner, a secondary (or "satellite," "peripheral," whichever term is used) partner, and one other partner - all parties involved are faithful to one another and no outside seeking is happening. For the purpose of this article, I am addressing a specific, kink-friendly configuration, where there is one primary Dominant partner, who has multiple submissive partners (who may themselves also have other dynamics, but are not necessary to mention here). 

So, what are the tips? 

1. Practice "Gauging" Your Partners - This involves many things. First and foremost, as usual, is communication. It is integral to a successful management style to ensure that you are communicating as openly and honestly with your submissives as possible. If you are unsure about some of their feelings, ask gauging questions:

"how do you feel about ___________?" -
"would you feel uneasy if I __________?" -
"how are things progressing with ___________?"
"have your feelings changed surrounding any of our interactions?"

Being a submissive doesn't mean you give up your preferences or feelings completely (although some may take comfort in feeling "alleviated" from the burden of particulars like that) - so it is necessary to remind them that you have their best interests at heart. If one is being cold, distant, withdrawn, or sullen, be sure to communicate that you wish to know what the problem is. Address the issue from a firm but empathetic standpoint. Primary motivation should be to understand their point of view first, and then seek to explain your implementation, actions, etc. As a submissive, they are often predisposed to softening or hiding their feelings in order to spare yours. This is not a good habit, and should be discussed (neutrally rather than accusingly) as immediately as it shows up, to prevent communication barriers going forth. Learn to accommodate their language into yours. Make them feel safe, comfortable, and comforted. Absorb them into your world, but recognize their individual talents, contributions, and value. 

2. Delegate Responsibility According to Ability. - If you have a partner who is good at certain things, but not others, play to that advantage. A submissive who is wonderful with phone communication can be integral to a Primary that dislikes it (due to any number of issues, such as audio processing difficulties). Group messages and texts can be helpful to coordinate tasks or chores, and finding each submissive's Sweet Spot with regard to their comfort and ability can be priceless. If one is great with photography, they can archive the relationship. Is one a gifted writer? They can draft any documentation or contracts - or keep a household journal. A chef, mechanic, number cruncher? Perfect for any various needs around the house or with the Primary's belongings. They can even help each other out, if asked and accepted. A household calendar and routine is also excellent: Cozi Calendar offers a perfect solution to household scheduling, and sends out text reminders, etc. Brightnest keeps track of cleaning chores. Mint is great for commingled finances and keeping track of budgets/spending. 

3. Encourage Enhancement; Recognize Achievement
- This one sounds like a no-brainer, but is often the most overlooked part of managing a group of submissives. Without a set of specific tasks, many submissives feel lost; without an anchor or direction. Because of this, it is helpful to form a list of ways they can better themselves and go to it as soon as they start to feel antsy that they aren't getting your full attention. This way, they can occupy their time without necessarily monopolizing yours (even though they may want to), and they will have something they can be proud of, to show for it. It is here that I will suggest a 101 in 1,001. This setup, from the Day Zero Project, is a way to ensure that goals will be met in a time-sensitive fashion. Bonus: there are lots of inspirational posts about goals other people have met to get your creative juices flowing. As the Primary, be sure to recognize achievements as valid and appreciate them with your full enthusiasm - overlooking a proud accomplishment is a surefire way to make a submissive miserable. This method can even be applied to submission: if they want to improve or find ways to clean, cook, or manage their submission effectively, that can be added to the list! 

4. If a Crisis or Emergency Arises, Shift Group Focus - A sudden health problem, emergency, violation, or any situation that comes up needs to be taken care of in the most supportive way. So if any one member of your sub group faces an extreme challenge that might force you to prioritize them for a period of time, shift the group focus to that person. Let the other submissives know that there is a NEED for the injured/critical party to acquire support and aid, and that it is a group effort to make the ailing member whole again. Be clear about what can be done, who can do it, and start working on the plan immediately. A Primary doesn't need to be an army of one, if they have a small army behind them. This sort of working together is also helpful if there isn't as great of a need as the submissive is asking - if they are just seeking attention and exaggerating their need, it will be quickly revealed and stopped. Each initiation of emergency status should be considered in earnest before any "testing" or accusing with regard to dishonesty, however. Never approach a situation with blame or inconsiderate words. 

5. Distribute Rewards Evenly Unless Otherwise Specified - If you start off showering your submissives with gifts, praise, rewards, or other goodies - but slowly start to reward one more than the others (due to lack of funds or attention), be aware that this will be difficult for the other submissives. Communicate clearly and honestly about how things may change (using neutral explanations rather than "you're not as good" measures). If a submissive seems to desire more physical gifts, be sure to find out if the others are secretly resentful of this change. If a submissive seems more or less comfortable with their rewards, address that. 

6. Familiarize Yourself with the Tools of the Trade - Managing a group requires an arsenal of tools for communication, delegation, arbitration, mindfulness, and care. One metaphor I have seen and accept is the "garden" variety. Take a hard look at your available plot, decide what you want to grow, plant the seeds according to their individual needs, shower with sunshine, fertilizer, and fresh air, cull the weeds, take stock of any plants that are not doing well, fix them, and enjoy a bountiful harvest. As a literal translation (for those of you who need it): examine and consider how much time and what resources you have at your disposal for care and attention, decide what goals you have for your group, invest time and effort into learning and caring for each submissive, enrich their experience using your skills, nip problematic elements in the bud, address problems, solve them effectively, and reap the benefits of group time, attention, and talent. Keep in mind that this is a beautiful way to live, if you have the wherewithal to try it out, be patient, and commit to making a huge effort. 

So, now that you've thought about how to proceed, it is integral that you remind yourself of these elements, because they will be non-native to you for at least the first year or two. It isn't until you've been managing submissives for a long time that these tactics are revealed, let alone reflexive. In theory, a harem seems like a self-contained unit at your disposal, without putting much effort in, but you will be One Sorry Primary if you are garbage at these things. And remember... mutiny is never a fun experience!
 


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