“Paying for it is a buzzkill.” “I like to have free sessions because it’s more real.” “Other inane platitudes that amount to cheapassery.”

Let’s sit around the campfire and discuss how there is a gulf between submissives and Dommes, in a monetary way. 

First, we shall define money, as provided in a concise sentence provided by Merriam Webster: 


  • Something generally accepted as a medium of exchange, a measure of value, or a means of payment.

When you have the urge to submit to a Domme, you are desiring to exchange something of value: a well-stocked dungeon, years of skill, time of day from a Domme who gets messages by the thousands from submissives who are begging to monopolize it. She is a scarce resource. 

And like any scarce resource, there is an incentive to pay for it. If you ever find a Domme who will haphazardly indulge the whim of any submissive looking to take up her time, time that should could otherwise be spending to further her BDSM education, skillset, or experience … let Me know. I’ve never seen one. As a Domme, I’ve been begged by literally thousands of subs over the past decade, and if I engaged every one I’d be stretched so thin I wouldn’t be able to function. There is not enough time, there are not enough days, there are not enough resources. There are, however, those willing to pay for a service –  and that sets them apart from the screaming void. 

Just as you wouldn’t argue that your mechanic should change your oil for free, don’t ask a Domme to dom for free. There’s no mystique about monetary exchange. Nothing inherent in currency that deflates the importance of a Domme on your psychological well-being. There is, however, a deflation in how much you value your Domme by how much of your hard-earned money you part with, for Her. 

If you expect pay a goddamn therapist, ALWAYS expect to pay a Dominatrix!